when paranoia hits <3

i am paranoid. like wayy too paranoid at times.

cant blame me, i freak out too easily at times.

results for this sem was totally unexpected, in a good way though

& i thank god for it <3

on a sidenote,

i have a super duper caring mom who congratulates me on fb, yes.

i have a way too cute sister, who i cant deny, just wants to follow her sister's steps, in to the future that is.

i have an annoying brother, who yes is in police now, and im missing him alr.

& i have a dad who, gives me such texts "congrats nurul for your outstanding results, but i know u can do better! hehe" … and "sure you can have a car for your 21st, what do u want? ferrari?"

my family is whacked <3

me against the world

i dont feel belonged.

i feel used.

i wanna curl up in a ball and just cry my guts out.

fuck this feeling.

feels like im in it alone.

you made me a better today <3

so dex asked me “atika, why are you still single and mingling?”

yeah? why do i have a billion flings and not even one serious one? its weird. i dont understand myself.

i ignored/”ran away” from feroz as soon as i know its just about to get serious.

im afraid of commitments. yes bite me.

trust me, its not about me being insecure that im ugly or whatever crap. ive accepted me for myself, and im loving just the way i am.

a part of me might wanna blame my parents for this, i tend to overthink things a lot. i find myself asking a lot “what if?” & i know its bad.  i dont wanna end up like them, thats the last thing i want for myself. but i guess, i cant torture myself like this just cos my parents didnt have a happy ending yeah?

& i guess, the most impt for me, is that i have to find that someone that i can be ultra comfortable with. & nope, i havent found him yet. haha!

anyway! so yes, my bitches know i wanna have a greek wedding. LOL. YES I’D DO JUST THAT IF MONEY START TO GROW ON THE PLANTS MY MOM PLANTED JUST OUTSIDE MY HOUSE.

BUT BUT BUT. I TOTALLY WANNA HAVE A SLIDE SHOW OF PICTURES PLAYED ALONG WITH BETTER TODAY BY COFFEY ANDERSON! OMG LOVE!

or my future husband can sing this song on our wedding day!

WHICHEVER FLOATS I SWEAR! HAHAHA.

it would be a total bummer if i dont find that someone before i die. HAHAHAHAHA. YES REALITY CHECK.

love leaves a memory no one can steal

so you know how at times, you just have an item, a pathetic old item but hell, it brings you back so much memories that you’ll miss good times. then u’ll start wondering, what seriously happened? yeah its like that most of the time for me. and at times, i just cant take it anymore, things change around here, people change, some times for better, at times we just dont get as lucky.

so i was in carrefour with chloe and dave and liyana, and i smelled a scent so distinctive. might not be as much to others, but that scent hit me. instantly, memories came rushing back at me, good times and bad. i was young back then, having no money or rather as much money, but we both loved that perfume. and i remember once, she made me buy it with her just because.  this scent brought me so much memories, the innocence and the dreams that we had back then. at times, i just choose to remember the nice and sweet ones (:

adidas's fruity rythm

there are many other things that strike me hard. like the havainas  slippers i bought in australia with firah. now,  that would make me remember silly times when we ordered wrongly at macs and how the guys kept asking if we wanted “kirks”. another one, everytime i’m listening to “i miss you” by blink 182 it’ll remind me of the arwahs when we sang on stage during sec sch. the cheap disney perfume when the girls and i used after every PE just cos we stinked. grandmom’s perfume smelled of australia just because she used it in aus and it’ll just remind me whatever that happened in perth. that white mazda…

so yes you see. at times when memories hit you, all you can do is smile and move on, no use regretting or wishing if you could turn back time and tweak it a lil. cos i guess, it all happens for a reason.

on a side note, i miss my girls. so much. its killing me. it used to be meeting them in sch 24/7, doing projects together, as if thats not enough, once we get home we’ll be on msn/text and nowadays, texting is so tedious, i’d rather call. so you see, they were practically my whole life.

i dont need to have sex, school fucks me everyday.

i kinda figured that i only opened this wordpress acc just cos i have a sudden urge to blog months ago. i totally lost that feeling alr ): but but i’ll try to keep updating i guess? (:

school has been way crazy. a billion crap to do. yes crap. a billion deadlines to meet. a billion decisions to make. a billion emails to send out. a billion meetings to rush for. a billion dates with lalaland being cut short. a billion alone-lunch (alone by meaning w/o booza). a billion dates/outings cut short ): a billion tutorials to do. a billion webcasts to catch up on. a billion tests to mug for.  ahh story of my life ): pathetic aint it?

anyhow, i havent seen people in ages ): i feel like a mountain turtle. havent met the girlfriends in like years! (exaggeration i know). havent had the time to go on outings with booza ): havent met the bestfriend for like DONKEY-YEARS. PMG. and im not even joking!

anyway, have u guys been so fickle you just feel like going to some black magic shop to see which path is correct. or like u start praying and asking for answers? but im guessing, it beats having all the fun of life, the future is meant to be unexpected, full of surprises and whatnots. but what if, the future is bleak due to choices you make now? what if, you regret and totally wish to turn back time? oh man ): but i have faith in him, he knows whats best (:

i received a text from the aunt. speak about being random? but good timing i must say. she asked if im doing alright in school and in tests and stuff, and not to overwork myself. sweet or what? i kinda feel i get a different, rather an extra special treatment from them eversince…. makes me wonder, how it’ll be like once….. this topic makes me teary eyed in an instant ):

i seriously think i need the laimeng vibes. i need the happy moments now. i need happy people around me. LAIMENGGG!!!!! HAHAHA (((:  ORR I NEED BARNEY’S VIBES. “when im sad, i stop being sad, and be awesome instead. TRUE STORY!”

ANYWAY. OMG I LOVE GOD! ITS BEEN RAINING THESE FEW DAYS! FINALLY! PMG! like 34d.c on some days are just WAY NUTS! like typical convo on a super duper hot 34d.c day will go like this :

erlinna( wearing t shirt and shorts) : WAHH DAMN HOT EHH!

joreen( tshirt and jeans) : YEAHHH ITS LIKE 34 d.c?

wen qi (tshirt shorts) : YEAH LOR IM SWEATING.

me (TUDUNG-IFIED) : HELLO? its like what? 68dc for me? im wearing double, thanks.

OH WELLS. ive been cabing ard ): this is sooooo cost inefficient, must totally stop this. (next thing i know, i’ll find myself in a cab gg to (insert place) . SUCKY!

HAHAHAA i thought gg to starbucks alone, will not distract me. for the first time, facebook aint guilty of distracting me, its WORDPRESS!!!

Mr. Egg

i was blog-hopping like usual, and i saw this pic and it SCREAMS CHEWY!!

and and i can imagine chewy having that evil laugh and still eat those eggs. hahaha

okay this is retarded, i think i miss booza too much . haha

vegetables humour

haha ultimate cuteness (:

sorrow is so peculiar

okay i think this is retarded.

i feel like ive been disintergrating from booza alot :S will make it up to u guys soon okays! (: love you ppl many many.

cant wait for sch to start then we’ll have more lunchs and dinners tgther (:

anyway, firah turned 22 yestd (: HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE!

im still on a dilemma if i should go for fifi’s.

its too complicated and i dont know, it gets even worse when paranoia hits me :S

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lets pretend we’re Superman (:

i think im screwed, its alr 11.30 pm and i have yet to pack. im kinda hesitating to go bintan actually :S but wth, there is no such thing as backing out. how? how am i going to survive hiking bintan mountain which is 340m high, ARE U NUTS!? hahah

fri/sat/sun will be hectic for me. and im not kidding. LUCKY MONDAY NO SCH once i arrive back in SG on sat at prolly ard 3, i have to rush home, change, GO TO WENQI’S 21st at SERANGOON! then then, FLY to F1 PIT for nussu’s bash! my goodness, as if thats not bad enough. sunday i have tuition at 3! then tuition with akmal and aiman. OKAY SERIOUSLY.

anyhow, laser quest was awesome. totally felt like robin and barney playing laser tag. HAHA awesomeness. i ranked first of course, i rock. okay then again, i practically spent my childhood playing laser quest, however for the rest, they were still a laser quest virgin (: BUT, my thingy spoilt in the middle of the game, therefore i think, it kinda reset-ed everything else. haha. sorry lebs, you totally hit me A BILLION TIMES! . HAHA

asrida’s 21st was awesome, meeting up with AKE (: psychoed them not to go home just yet after the party since its wayyy tooo earlyy. so we kinda hanged at wcp, then send fir home, then to henderson waves. the breeze was super awesome. i prefer henderson waves than barrage. its way cooler, a lot nearer, and cooler ambience ((:

okay you know what, its bugging me, a lot. you cannot totally do this to me. fine, its my fault, but really? just like this? thats just a low blow.

anyhow, i think should better start packing :S